Many aspire to be great leaders, but few give much thought to being a great apprentice. Because leadership is borne through apprenticeship, the best leaders are also great apprentices.  They know that there’s always something they can learn from others and they’re not afraid to pursue it. In my earlier post, I listed three benefits to being a more intentional apprentice. But how do you become a more intentional apprentice? How can you get the most out of a relationship with a mentor? In my experiences both as an apprentice and as a mentor, I’ve found four fundamental strategies to be very effective:

1. Start small & focused. Be clear about your objective. The more focused you can be on what you want to accomplish, the more likely you’ll find a great mentor. You’ll make a better, more winsome, apprentice to your prospective mentor, too. Suppose you want to write a book and you’ve never been published. If you approach a published author or publisher and ask them to mentor you as an aspiring writer, you may not get very far. However, asking to meet with them briefly to get their perspective on which markets are best to write for, or what to look for in an agent, or the best conferences to attend, will more likely get you an audience and the possibility of a more lasting relationship. Start by asking to meet once. If that goes well, suggest a monthly or quarterly check-in. Don’t ask to meet any more often than is reasonable to accomplish your objective. Over time, your objective may grow and, with it, their commitment to meet with you as well.
2. Pursue the best mentors possible. When you want to excel in a particular skill, select a mentor from the highest shelf your network will support. The right mentor for you may be someone you know, or, perhaps more likely, someone separated by one degree–known by someone you know. Ask your network to help you accomplish your objective. For example, “Who do you know that might help me evaluate literary agents?” Don’t be surprised if you get some pretty incredible names. Many in your network will love to show off the superstars they know. Don’t let their superstar status or busy schedule intimidate you. The best mentors are busy people. But they’ll take time for those who are serious about achieving their objectives. Many are like the prettiest girl in high-school who never got asked out on a date simply because the boys assumed she was already taken. Good mentors, however, were usually mentored themselves and are eager to share their experiences to those who ask.
3. Be a learner. This seems rather obvious, but I’m always amazed at how many times I’ve met with someone who requested a meeting, only to find that they didn’t have a clear reason to meet. The conversation awkwardly fumbles about until I finally ask, “Why did you want to meet me?” Conversely, I’m always impressed by those who have prepared questions listed out ahead of time. The simple act of opening a notebook with prepared questions speaks loudly about their attitude and their respect for my time.
4. Own the pursuit. Like a good salesperson, always own the pursuit. As the apprentice, it’s your job to set the appointments and topics you’d like to explore. If you’re expecting a mentor to take the lead, you’re looking for the wrong mentor. At the end of each meeting, suggest a topic for the next, and always send an email to confirm your appointment. It will show your eagerness to learn and will create anticipation for your mentor too.

One final thought about intentional apprenticeship. Over the last thirty years, I’ve learned from some really stellar mentors. They’ve taught me as much about myself as they have the objectives I’ve discussed with them. One of the things I discovered is that it’s easy to look at their successes and compare them with my own–and come up short. (Remember, we’re reaching from the highest shelf.) That kind of comparison produces only envy or resentment, neither of which is helpful as an intentional apprentice. The best antidote to envy and resentment, however, is thanksgiving. So end every session expressing your thanks to them for their assets of wisdom and knowledge that benefits your personal growth.

As an intentional apprentice, what other strategies have you found helpful?

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If you’re like many, you may have a hard time with that last question. Perhaps you’re satisfied just the way things are—it’s enough just to manage the relationships you already have. Or, maybe you’re unsure what path you want to take and you don’t want to waste someone’s time until you get more clarity on your direction.

If either of those describes you, I’d like to persuade you to engage in a little intentional apprenticeship. Being an active apprentice…

• Expands your network. While no one else can run your race, no race is ever won without the help of others. Actively engaging with a mentor opens up the world of their network to you. If you land the right mentor, they’ll happily introduce you to others who can help you run your race even faster. The beauty of it is that they’ve already developed their network giving you a shortcut to the best resources they know.
• Fosters greater clarity. Setting intentional meetings with an advisor or mentor can be one of the fastest paths to personal clarity, especially if you’re unsure what direction to take. During the times of vocational uncertainty in my life, I’ve found short-term mentoring meetings (3-4 meetings over the course of a few months) to be enormously helpful. As we’d talk, I’d find areas where their expertise and excitement energized me, and areas where it didn’t. Noting those differences gave me insights into how God has uniquely wired me much more quickly than I could have discerned on my own.
• Avoids costly errors. This is the traditional expectation of mentors. They can help you be more successful by alerting you to potential issues that may arise and by avoiding the same mistakes they may have made. As the humorist Sam Levenson observed, “You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” Proverbs 15:22 put it succinctly, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”

No matter how far along in life you are, being an intentional apprentice is essential to leadership; a great leader must also master the skills of being a good follower. In my next leadership post, I will explore how to be a more intentional apprentice.

What benefits have you gained from those who have mentored you?

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Fifteen years ago I learned how to network—the hard way. I decided to start my own professional services company serving local technology companies within my own backyard. My first morning on the job was spent culling my list of contacts to develop my calling strategy. After reviewing over 500 contacts, I discovered I had only two within a 100 mile radius of my new home office. Like the scene from It’s a Wonderful Life, I had one mama-dollar and one papa-dollar and I needed them to make babies—fast!

Read all the books and attend all the workshops you want about networking. In my experience over the last fifteen years, great networking boils down to the consistent application of three habits. Call them disciplines, if you like, because they are easier to articulate than they are to reliably put into practice. But when you do, whether you’re networking for a new job or for a new client, I predict you’ll experience a breakthrough. That’s when they’ll become the three hardest networking habits you’ll ever love.

• Practice your ABCs. With apologies to the sales guys who are always closing, to experience breakthrough networking, you should think “Always Be Connecting.” This is hard habit numero uno of great networking. Too often, as with my story, we can have our heads so far down in our work that we don’t look up to truly connect with those around us, or just out of our line of sight. Even after I started my own company and began intentionally networking, I’d often get so buried in client activity that I wouldn’t make networking a priority. By the time the project was complete, I’d have lost any prospecting momentum. In consulting parlance that’s referred to as porpoising. As the Chinese proverb reminds us, “Dig a well before you’re thirsty.”

• Serve others. As mentioned above, great networking is more about connection than closing. Closing has to do with getting others to make your life better: How can they help you land a job? How can they hire your firm or buy your product? Instead, ask “How can I bring value to what they’re doing in a way that’s meaningful to them?” In my opinion, great networking is all about discovering the answer to that question. And that requires a lot of listening, probing and subordinating your agenda to theirs. I’ve had the opportunity to work on some pretty interesting projects by taking this approach—often much better than I would have proposed by pushing my agenda. When you boil it down, networking is about people. Connecting with them only to advance your interests is disingenuous. One of my clients, a professional services firm, maintains what they call a “referral balance sheet” to track lead sources from their referral network. They want to have positive equity on their balance sheet, always returning to others more than they receive for themselves. It’s a good principle in business and in life.

• Keep the ball. As much as possible, assume responsibility for follow-up and next steps. And do it right away, or as soon as practically possible. Your follow-through is a powerful signal that they matter to you. As in the game of golf, good follow-through is every bit as important as good contact with the ball. Failure places you squarely in the swelled ranks of the fly-by, self-serving, networking opportunist. Follow-up is not optional. That’s what makes this third habit so hard. Remind yourself, that every encounter has a follow-up. Send an email of thanks, or better, take the time to write a note. Link them to a book, or article, or another connection in your network that might be of interest to them. Be creative, but be consistent and take the initiative to stay connected long after the first meeting. Remember Habit #1? Set aside time to review your connections—particularly ones you haven’t seen in awhile—and ask, “How can I bring value to them today?”

As with any habit, it takes time to make these second-nature. Even after practicing these habits for the past fifteen years, I fail often and have to remind myself of the fundamentals. But in that time I’ve also grown to appreciate the value of them. They’ve become the hardest networking habits I’ve ever loved.

What are some networking habits you’ve found to be effective?

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• Relax. The most important first thing you can do is to become fearless. Whether you are interviewing for a job or just networking to find an opening, the confidence you portray about yourself and your future speaks volumes. I look for three ingredients in those that I want to work with or that I refer to my network: character, competency, and confidence. It’s amazing how many people of noble character and high competence lack the confidence they need to make a positive impression. So, relax.  Breathe in. Breathe out. And repeat.  Any fear you may have of the future is not your friend. Remember, your Best Friend says, “Fear not, for I am with you.” (Isaiah 41:10)
• Think & Pray. These are combined because prayerful and thoughtful consideration of your competencies, temperament and interests is a holy endeavor. God made you for a purpose and the pause between occupations is a gift to be received thoughtfully and prayerfully. When I’m asked if I might know of an opening in some area, I always ask, “What are you looking for?” It’s a simple question that usually evokes a recitation of past positions along with the summation, “I can pretty much do anything.” Score points for confidence, lose points for thoughtless consideration. They’re not ready to even network, much less to interview. If that’s you, here’s what I suggest:
  • Read the book I Can Do Anything, If I Only Knew What It Was by Barbara Sher. It won’t give you the answers, but it may help you find the right questions to work on.
  • Evaluate the things you’ve done that have energized you — the hobbies, jobs, and people interactions you’ve experienced that made you come alive. Write these down as your personal interest inventory.
  • Visit your local bookstore and/or library. The bigger the better. Scan the magazine rack and the book shelves. Pull the magazines and books that are appealing to you. As you look through them, add to your list the things that excite you in some way. Pay particular attention to the advertising section at back of many magazines because they list businesses, jobs or services offered that may hold additional clues about your wiring.
  • Pray over the interest list you’ve compiled. Which ones stand out as most appealing? Revise your list based on the counsel you received from those closest enough to intimately know your wiring. Let the list germinate for a while until you are either confident of a direction or need more information to decide.
  • Now create your list of networking contacts. Who do you know that either works in a related field or has a high likelihood of knowing someone who does? Write down as many names as possible. They are your new network targets.
• Probe. Now you’re ready to network. Purposefully. Contact the people on your list. Start with those you know best but don’t ask about open jobs. Keep your focus on a different goal: to learn everything you can about working in your identified areas of interest. You’ll be amazed at how many occupations exist that could be a fit to your skills, interests and aptitudes. When you hear one that sounds appealing, ask specifically to be connected with the person in that role. Your next job may very well be in their network.

I love to network and I get excited when I meet someone who’s done their homework and can be very specific about the kind of people they would like to meet.  I’m eager to open my network to them, particularly when I know their primary motivation is to discover their fit and calling rather than mere employment.  And I have the confidence that those in my network, who respond to inquiries from those I refer to them, will take their calls. They know that their time and their network will also be respected because the caller can clearly articulate where they are looking to go and what kind of help they need.

Share your ideas, suggestions and networking successes with others by commenting on this post.

I wrote this post originally for the BoldMan Chronicles blog of BoldPath Life Strategies. Check out that blog for other posts you might find helpful.

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